Transcript from a meeting with James Eaton on 15 April, 2017
Q: I like sitting up here with you James and there’s sort of a taste for it somewhere, and then there’s a frustration at it too.
James: Tell me about the frustration.
Q: I can’t f****ng get it!
James: How’s that frustration showing up. Try and get wise to the body now. “I can’t f****ng get it.” How is that showing up physically?
Q: I suppose now immediately it comes back as a sadness here. (points to the chest)
James: Great. There it is. Bring it back. Follow the thread. The golden thread. Frustration… Follow the thread… Ah! Sadness, here. So include that, with gentleness, with kindness, allowing it to soften, to open.
Q: And of course, and this is so difficult for me to say in front of a roomful, but my blocking in my throat.
James: Yes. Come to the throat. That sadness, allow it to open. Infusing it with love.
Q: Now I feel embarrassed and angry. (starts to cry)
James: Beautiful. Include all of that. And the tears and the sadness and the grief and the embarrassment. All of it.
Q: (Sound of tears) Now I feel even more embarrassed.
James: Yes. Even more embarrassment. Stay with me. Stay with me. In the midst of it. In the midst of it. Here. Here! Yes. Here.
Feel the feet on the floor. Here you are. Here you are, right in the midst of this. Here you are. Clear. Pristine. Allowing, welcoming, loving…
Q: (Soft laughter)
James: What’s the thought saying? Tell me what it’s saying.
Q: It’s saying ‘it hurts.’
James: It hurts. Yes, it does. It hurts. Yes. Absolutely. Here you are.
Q: It’s Easter. It’s like crucifixion.
James: Yes. That’s exactly what it is. “Thy Will Be Done.”
Q: Has anyone got a tissue? (Someone provides a tissue) Thanks.
Is it used?! (laughter)
Participant: No, it’s clean I promise! It’s just scrunched up. (lots of laughter)
James: You know, it’s really courageous.
Q: I know but I keep f****ng doing this courageous thing! (laughter in the room) I get so tired of being courageous. This circle goes round and round.
James: So, that now. That. Now. Include that too: “Tired of being courageous.” Frustration! Again! Don’t give up on it. Stay here. Now. Let it all come. All of it.
Q: (sobbing) Oh God
James: Stay here. Just try and stay here, as the aware openness. If you start disappearing into the downward spiral of thought, use me. That’s why I’m here.
(silence)
Yes. Even Jesus says, “why hast thou forsaken me?” Because he gets caught into it. And then he remembers again: “Thy Will Be Done.” That’s the teaching.
Q: Ahhh… . F**k it!
James: What’s the thought now?
Q: F**k it. F**k Him. F**k God. What kind of Will is this?
James: Yes. This is the “Why hast thou forsaken me?” F**k you! How could you put me in this place? How could you put me on this cross? How could you make me suffer in this way? How could you do that?
So that needs to come too. We need to include that too.
Q: I am so… (crying)
James: Here You are. Still here. Still here. Still here! (loudly) Love. Just Love. Just Love, Love…
Q: (crying more softly) Ahhh… I tell you what the thought is, the thought is: “I’m not up to it.”
James: Yes. There’s the deficiency belief: “I’m not up to it.” Who’s not up to it?
Q: Just like a little kid in there somewhere.
James: Exactly. There it is. A little kid. That never got the attention, never got the love. Never got the confirmation of the wonder that it is. Was never given that reflection, that reminder: “You are magnificent!” Never had it. So close down. Defence, defence, defence, defence, defence, defence. That part of you wants to be seen, wants to be acknowledged.
You want to be acknowledged. That little child. This is what we’re doing here: loving, acknowledging and welcoming home all the disowned parts of being. But it’s hidden. Deeply hidden.
Just notice the breathing. Feet on the floor. Still here.
(Silent connecting)
What’s thought saying now?
Q: It’s saying, “I’m so embarrassed to show myself like this here.” It’s saying, “Is this any way for an adult to behave?” (laughter)
James: So allow it to speak. The shame, the guilt – all of it. Honour it. It’s all the same mechanism, trying to keep itself in business, uphold itself.
Q: I can tell you what it says right now: “If this worked, then it would be worth it.” But it’s doubting. It’s just like, “here we f****g go again. And next week, or the week after, somewhere, we’ll be doing this again, and then…”
James: Yes. Include the doubt too. Here you are. Here you are. You’re worth it, you know. You’re worth it. You can have it. You can have it. Really.
Q: Thank you
James: You are allowed!
(Silence)
Q: (Laughter) I’m doing alright here! (lots of laughter in the room)
(Silence)
(a big sigh)
James: See that, see the tendency then? There was a sweet lightness, an uncaused joy that opened up. And then, there’s the tendency, it pulls you back into the mind swamp again.
But you see the lightness, the joy is already starting to come in there. Because here you are! Here you are in the midst of all of this. The You that’s never been broken. That nothing happened to. Here it is! You can allow yourself to have that. Even just for this moment. Allow yourself to have it. To be it.
See what doesn’t allow you. See what says, “Hmmm?” See it. Because the belief is “you’re not allowed”, “you’re not allowed, really”. “You have to go back into the mind swamp”. That’s the habit, that’s the tendency.
So we came up for air there. We could see the simplicity and the joy. And then we get sucked in again. Because that’s the tendency. But the more we know that clear space, then the more we see that tendency for what it is. That’s the shift. From being lost in the tendencies to being the clarity of what we truly are, that’s already whole, already complete. And it comes from this willingness to fully meet what’s never been met. To bathe it in this unconditional love that we deeply are.
(Silence)
Q: Can I go now? (laughter)
James: Take him off the cross! Take him down! (laughter)
Participant: It’s the right day – almost (it’s Easter Saturday)
James: Almost. Yes. If you stay there another day, you’ll be enlightened! (laughter)
It’s an extraordinary teaching that – the cosmic drama. If you really look beyond the literal interpretation. Often it’s taken to mean “Jesus died for my sins.” Which is the complete opposite to what we’re talking about. “I don’t have to face any of my shit, I just need to have faith in Jesus, that he gave his life to redeem all of humanity, and then I’m free of it all. Great! Just take on a belief and I’m done! Easy!” That’s the exoteric, outer form, of Christianity. The esoteric, inner meaning, is: “No. Jesus is the inspiration of the story. Jesus is the hero! It’s saying be like Jesus! You! You be Jesus! Who you really are is Jesus! Allow what’s been repressed to open up, to be acknowledged, to be fully included.”
And, yes, there’ll come a time when it seems too much, when you say, “What the f*ck is this? Why hast thou forsaken me?” And then: “Thy will be done.” There’s that moment: Ah! The penny drops. And then, the resurrection. The resurrection into the new life. Crucifixion and resurrection, that’s the transformation process right there.
